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Green Eyed Monster

While we all feel some jealousy at some time or another in every relationship, you have to wonder, given all the violence against spouses and former spouses and estranged spouses in this world today, is there room in a relationship for jealousy? The answer is that we are human beings and there has to be room in a relationship for a little normal jealousy but not the kind that is unwarranted and interferes with the health of the relationship and the happiness of the two partners. Jealousy isn't usually about the behavior of the person about whom the partner is jealous. It's generally about the jealous partner. Often there has been room in a former relationship for jealousy. Perhaps a less than healthy former relationship was full of possessiveness and jealousy, or perhaps the former partner cheated. Jealousy can then seep into the current relationship when your partner has given you no reason to feel jealous or mistrusting.

One of the biggest reasons there really is little room in a relationship for jealousy is that this very notion of fearing the loss of the partner can lead to behaviors so possessive and controlling that you ultimately do lose your partner. Intense jealousy should not be part of a relationship, and you'll want to steer clear of a relationship with a jealous person. A jealous person is generally someone who lacks self esteem and confidence in her or his own worth. A person who is not sure of themselves and doesn't believe in their own worth inevitably thinks that he or she is unworthy of his partner and expects to lose her.

This leads to possession and control and jealousy. It also leads to the weaker partner making the stronger responsible for her or his happiness. This is much too much burden for anyone to bear. We have enough trouble struggling to maintain our own happiness in this world.

We can't take on the burden of someone else's as well. We'll resent this and the relationship will not survive. There is no room in a relationship for the kind of jealousy that would cause you to forbid your partner the innocent get-togethers of lunch with friends or coworkers of the opposite sex. Letting your partner know in this way that you don't trust him or her when he has given you no reason for it is hurtful and destructive. There is no room in a relationship for the kind of jealousy that ruins your quality time together instead creating many arguments about where he and she has been and with whom.

There is no room in a relationship for the kind of jealousy that eats away at one partner to the point that he or she is consumed by it, taking his energy from love to spying and mistrust.

Jane Saeman runs a membership site that features thirty Private Label Articles on the topics of dating and relationships.

Green Eyed Monster

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